cheesepil

Epilogue

   There you have it: the true story of Final Fantasy VII. It's not quite as exciting, it doesn't have as many fantastic explosions, and that whole goatstream thing might be a little too bizarre for anyone to believe, but it's all the truth.
   Though, now you're probably pondering the ending. It was worse than the one FFVII already had. After all, at the end of the credits there was at least the cool five hundred years later cinematic with a ruined Midgar and such. In this, everything just faded to black. Some kind of finale, eh? Well, now it's time for you to hear the true story of what happened to everybody when all was said and done!

   For a long time, Wigfarm was uninhabitable due to the large quantities of whipped cream coating the streets. There was a surprisingly low number of casualties caused by Jimbles' attack on the city.

   "Ugh... My head... What happened here? What's this? Why am I covered in whipped cream?!" Mukki slowly rose up, out of a mound of whipped cream that covered most of the Ball Market. He was looking down at his whipped cream coated body. "Oddly enough, this isn't the first time that this has happened to me..."

    For a while, the Clerks were out of work. It took some time, but they found the perfect outlet for their talents.

    "..."
    "Parrot, you're never going to get this mime thing down if you talk this much!" Rusty exclaimed.
    "You want to talk about poor mimery? You're the one who can't even get trapped in an invisible box," Helga said indignantly.
    All three of them wore their Clerk suits with horizontal red stripes painted all around and were covered in white make-up.
    "You guys suck!" a spectator called out.
    "Oh that's it!" Rusty shouted. He proceeded to throttle the spectator as the other two worked at climbing an invisible mountain.

   Since Jimbles was thwarted by the power of the goatstream, everyone could turn to a life of peace and prosperity. The only problem was, no one had any power. Gengai corporation was dead, and they were the monopoly on energy across the entire planet. A new source of energy was needed, and there was only one person who could provide it.

   "Welcome to the grand opening of SpoonCo.! We use the natural power of spoons to bring illumination to you!" Muffie exclaimed with a large grin. "Weee! I'm on T.V.! Look at me! I just want to give a big hello to all my friends in Wutai! Hi!" She began to do a little dance in front of the camera.
   "Um, President Muffie," a techie said, slowly, "the generators aren't on yet. No one can see you."
   "Oh... Oh well!" She continued to dance and began juggling spoons.

   Ziggy wanted to begin a simple farming life, away from the technologies of the big city. So, he decided to go down to Choco Jill's chocobo farm. He lived out his days very happily there.

   "So... Yer tellin' me 'at yer name's Choco Jill? Well fry mah hide! That's gotta be th' craziess thin' ah's have ever heard!" Ziggy burst into laughter as Choco Jill's face became beat red.
   "That's it! I've had enough of this!" He jumped onto Ziggy, bringing him to the ground. As he sat on his chest, he began to punch him repeatedly in the face. "What kind of name is Ziggy, huh?! Have you ever thought of that one?"

   Of course... The two had their arguments every now and then...
   Chazar Bluntson, at long last, managed to fulfil his dream and go into outer space. However, it wasn't done by traditional methods. It happened during a big party that everyone had in Kalm after the planet was saved.

   "Mera! Get me my spoony tea!" Chazzy shouted.
   "Oh, don't yell, Chazzy. I'll get your tea for you," Florence offered. She smiled and quickly shuffled off.
   "Hey, while you're waiting for your tea, try some of this," Harry said with a grin. He passed a bottle to Chazar. Without thinking, he took the bottle and began guzzling down the liquid. His eyes nearly burst out of his head, he choked, coughed, and then went limp.
   "Hummana hummana hummana... I... I see... Stars..... And.... The planet is so... beautiful from up here... Ahhh! Aliens!" Chazzy began flailing about. In his daze, he tackled Harry. "You smootmarming aliens aren't going to take me away for any of your spoony experiments!" He drew his wrench and began twisting Harry's nose with it.

   Madame Kevinda Devereux reconstructed Bronze Bowl. She polished the place up until it became Silver Dish. People would come from across the world to play the games there, and of course, to have Kevinda use her famous psychic powers to reveal their futures to them.

   "I sense that some day, something will happen to you. You will be given a choice. If you choose the correct choice than your chosen path will be one of prosperity," Kevinda prophesied.
   "Oh wow! Thank you Madame Devereux!" an excited young man exclaimed. He jumped up and ran off. "My future's lookin' good for a change!"
   "Next. Hello there Miss..."
   "Miss Maurey Smartsies," a young lady said.
   "Yes, I was just about to say that. Let's see... What does the crystal orb show? I sense... I sense that some day, something will happen to you..."

   Harry Smith returned to all of his drinking buddies in Kalm. Though, an odd thing happened. They claimed that they could no longer hear the planet. They didn't lighten up on their drinking at all, though. Perhaps there was some truth to what they were saying all along. Or maybe they just discovered some new delusions and they hadn't realized it.
   Either way, Harry eventually decided that the sort of life he led was no longer for him. He decided he would enter the world of politics. He ran for Mayor of Kalm, and somehow won. No one knows quite how it happened. Some say that he gave a bit of his 'special brew' to the vote counters.

   "You know what this town needs more of? Holidays! You can never have too many holidays. Let's make today Goat Day. Tomorrow can be Wear-Your-Shoes-On-Your-Head Day. The day after that... um... Let's call it Amorphous Blob Day! Oh, I love this job," the chocolate marshmallow said with a smile.
   "Yes Mr. Mayor, but regarding the budget."
   "Budget Day! Of course! This is why I keep you around, you're an idea person, you are."

   Sadly, he only had one term in office. Luckily, he managed to dabble as mayor once a year. Harry was smart enough to make a "Harry Smith Gets To Be The Mayor Day" before his term was done.
   Jessica G. Merry also moved on to a position of power. She grew bored of life in Kalm, so she moved to where her real passion was. She wasn't in Junon for long before she became the high priestess of the polka-cult.

   "The Promised Land is near! All we must do, is dance until all polka rains their blessing down upon us! Let us polka, polka, polka!" Accordion music burst through the streets of Junon as Jessica's words were decreed. Thus began a great dancing celebration through the city, the likes of which had never been seen before.

   Sadly, after twenty-eight and a half hours of dancing, the people became angry that the Promised Land had not been revealed to them. They turned against Jessica in a riot that nearly de-polkaed the city. Luckily, a raving lunatic named Colin managed to divert the rioters' attention away from Jessica by screaming something about stripes while painting vertical lines over a mural of polka-dots. Sadly, Colin was never seen or heard from again. At least peace had once again been restored to Polka-City.
   Florence got married to Jim and opened up her own restaurant with a very unique menu. The restaurant became very popular in Kalm and eventually a whole franchise had been formed.

   "Come on down to Florence's! You'll love the fresh taste of our Rubber Chocobo Rotisserie! Or, try our delicious Rubber Chocobo Stew!" a teen outside of a large building exclaimed. He was covered from head to toe in rubber chocobos and waving people into the building. A large neon sign read "Florence's" and showed the image of a chocobos head.
   "Nothing quite like it," Florence said as she chewed on a rubber chocobo wing. She was on her way out of the restaurant, followed by Jim, who was holding his aching stomach. "Wasn't that a great supper, hon?" She turned to face him.
   Jim immediately straightened himself up. "Oh, oh yeah. It was... delicious... How about I cook tomorrow..?"

   As for Jim, he avoided the public spotlight. As many of the others all became big figures in the world, he remained in the shadows. He refused to talk about the incidents surrounding the saving of the planet and shrugged off all of the praise he had received.
   For Jim, he just couldn't go off gallivanting in the limelight unless she was with him. Nonetheless, his spirits never faltered. He was happy, and knew that his goat's sacrifice would never be forgotten by those that truly mattered.
   There was only one unusual thing that Jim did, or rather didn't do. He began his adventure in search of a way to fix his mangy hair, and after everything that he went through, he left his hair the way it was.
   While their paths differed, and some never really saw each other again, they all held something dear in common. Two pictures sat somewhere in every one of their homes. One was a picture taken after the world was saved. It was of the whole group during their celebration. The other sat right next to it. It was a picture of Sarah, looking out, and smiling a goatish smile.